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Moving Forward


Hi, Friends!  In case you haven't noticed, it has been a little quiet on the blog for the past few months.  I have tried to get back into blogging, but I honestly didn't feel right without explaining where I've been/what has been happening.  I've probably written this post in my head 100+ times in the last month and I don't think I still have the right words so forgive me if it is a hot mess.

Tommy and I found out at the end of April that we were expecting another baby!  We were so excited but also cautious because of our previous miscarriage before having Teagen.  We told our families on Mother's Day after I had my HCG levels taken and they were looking great.  I was always a little nervous to get too excited, but every week that went by, I started to feel a little more confident that this pregnancy would be alright.  We even shared the news with Kenna, who was beyond ecstatic, and promptly requested a baby brother.  She even named her new baby sibling "Pudding Head."  It was so fun to watch her ask about the baby and talk about the baby and I loved every single second of it.  I had no issues during the first 10 weeks, except for extreme tiredness, which explains my lack of blogging.  I was in bed by 8 most nights, and typing up a blog post was about the last thing I wanted to do.  I was hopeful that we would be cuddling a precious baby after Christmas but I was still very uneasy until we had that first ultrasound.


Baby T


The day Teagen was born, I truly understood what it meant to trust God's plan.
  
John 13:7 - Jesus replied, "You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will."

Teagen came after I had suffered a miscarriage, and to be honest, I had a really hard time not being angry or questioning why God was putting us through this.  My heart will always hurt when I think about our baby that we never got to meet, however, I can't even fathom not having this blonde-haired, blue-eyed, feisty baby girl in my life.  

God knew I needed her and I'm thankful for that every single day. 


Last week, we received a text from the girls' babysitter that said Teagen was having some kind of shaking spell.  As a parent, it is hard to watch your babies go through things that you can't fix.  You want to protect them, and when you can't, it is defeating.  I believe that my girls teach me just as much as I teach them, and Baby T has definitely taught me patience.  I want answers right away, and when I don't get them, or have to deal with the unknown, it is not always easy for me to handle.



During the first 2 weeks of her life, Teagen had to go get her heel poked every single day because her bilirubin levels were low and one of the tests on her newborn screen came back abnormal.  It hurts your mama heart to have to watch your 6 pound baby scream her head off every day while a nurse squeezes blood from her heel.  Thankfully, both issues turned out to be fine.

Around 6 weeks old, Teagen woke up one morning and suddenly stopped eating.  She was admitted to the hospital later that afternoon and stayed there for four days.  I could not even begin to tell you everything that she had done while she was there.  She got x-rays done, multiple catheters put in, and a blood transfusion.  She was receiving IV fluids and three different types of antibiotics.  She spiked a fever of 104.1 and we had to helplessly stand there as nurses stuck cooling packs all around her to try and bring her fever down.  She was constantly poked and prodded and I remember hearing the words Hischsprung's Disease bounce around the room while a specialist tried to explain the procedure he was about to do.  She ended up being discharged from the hospital without a diagnosis of what had exactly caused the infection, but I was just counting my blessings that she was healed.  

Teagen experienced her first ear infection around 5 months old and was prescribed some antibiotics.  Several days later, she broke out in a severe rash all over her body and I noticed blood in her diaper.  We took her to the ER and they ran some blood tests to try and figure out the issue.  They did an x-ray and had to put her in this tiny contraption that held her still.  Tommy went back with her but I could still hear her screams from out in the hallway. They did determine that the rash/bleeding was caused from her being allergic to the antibiotic that she was on and that we should discontinue use immediately but that she would not need to be admitted.

Teagen went to her one year well visit and they told me that they needed to do the blood test to check for anemia.  So of course when I got the call a couple days later, that she was in fact anemic, I was not surprised.  They prescribed her meds and she took them for a few months and then got retested and her results came back normal!

Right after those normal results, she started getting double ear infections that required more trips to the doctor.  The problem with her ear infections is that the antibiotics would not touch them.  At one point, she had to take three rounds to get rid of it, just for the infection to come right back a couple of weeks later.  She received tubes in February and I was hopeful that that would be the end of it.

About a week after getting the tubes, I noticed blood all over her blanket after a nap.  She was scheduled for a follow up appointment where we were told that the tube is still in BUT it is clogged. We were told to put a solution in her ear every night for 5 minutes and that should solve the problem.   

While dealing with the clogged tube, I received the text from the babysitter that was mentioned above.  She has done this shaking thing multiple times and I knew it was time to take this info to her pediatrician.  They ordered a blood panel and EEG.  We are waiting to receive her full blood work back and her EEG is scheduled for the end of March.

Today I took her back to the follow up appointment for her ear.  It is still clogged and will need to be surgically removed and replaced.

I left the doctor feeling overwhelmed for myself and sad for Baby T because this poor girl can't catch a break. I called my mom and the first words out of her mouth were, "Well that is not a surprise.  That is Teagen for you."

I laughed (which was better than the tears that wanted to come) because no truer words have ever been spoken.


My Baby T.  We prayed so hard for this girl!

I told Tommy last week, after I had scheduled her EEG, that she must have so many issues arise because she wants to make sure we never forget how lucky we are to have her... and that is absolutely correct.  We are the luckiest.  

I know that everything she has gone through could have been so much worse and that is what I tell myself every time I sit in a doctor's office waiting room with her (and we have sat in a lot of them).  

I'm just so dang proud of how strong Teagen is.  I feel like she is always being poked and prodded and that is the hardest part; however, she handles everything like it is no big deal and I think we all could learn a thing or two from her. 


If you could send some prayers her way for a normal EEG and a successful replacement tube surgery, we would really appreciate it!

xo,

Kylie





My Girls

Being a mom is a hard job.  This world can be so scary and all I can do is pray hard that my babies will be safe and happy and kind.  That they will go out into this world and be good and faithful servants.  Sometimes I have the hardest time believing that God actually gave me these beautiful baby girls.  I definitely don't deserve them and I will never know why He choose me to be their Mama.  They are truly everything I ever wanted and prayed for and that thought brings me to tears almost daily.  They are so beautiful and kind and precious and I just don't know how I lived my life before them.  Let me be honest though...they exhaust me...like sometimes I'm counting down the minutes until bedtime. But they also give me a joy that I never even knew was possible.  I am unworthy of them, that is for sure, but I will forever be grateful that they are mine. 

When I was browsing Instagram one day before Christmas, I came across this wall hanging and immediately purchased it.  This is exactly how I want my girls to live.  These words just spoke to me and I couldn't have said it better myself for what I want my girls to remember as they are growing up.  


So go out and move mountains, sweet girls.  You are so deeply loved.

And just because I feel like crying some more today, let's take a trip down memory lane...



Kenna - Newborn



Kenna - 6 Months



Family Photos - Summer 2015


Kenna - 1 Year


Teagen's Maternity Photos


Teagen - 1 Day Old



Teagen - Newborn




Family Photos - Summer 2016



Kenna - 2 Years


Teagen - 6 Months


Teagen - 1 Year / Kenna - 3 Years




Christmas Card Pictures - December 2017

Excuse me while I sob into my coffee!  Why don't they stay that little?  These pictures are giving me major baby fever!  I think a little boy would look pretty cute in between those sweet girls!  ;)

Happy Monday!

xo,

Kylie